Lonliness!

Dear ____________,

Yesterday I so badly wanted to invite one of my dear friends over for coffee. Living so far from family and friends for over 10 years now I find myself in a weird place. I wish for my past to look different and thought of my future brings me sadness but my present definitely finds me longing for a simple coffee date with adult conversation that is uninterrupted by beep-ins.


Source: (P*inoeer W*oman- more on her later)

If you have ever known the isolation that comes with childhood abuse you can understand a deep rooted sense of loneliness. Couple my early years with my most recent years and you can see why my temptation for a downward spiral of self-pity is so readily available to me.

I love books! Anyone who knows me knows my desire to learn and grow. I love reading. So it comes as no surprise when the last time I was in the church library I picked up a book by El*izabeth E*lliot titled, "Loneliness".

These are the quotes from the front and back of her book cover that drew me in. Front: "It can be a wilderness. It can be a pathway to God." Back:

"Loneliness comes over us sometimes as a sudden tide. It is one of the terms of humanness, and, in a sense, therefore, incurable. yet I have found peace in my loneliest times not only through acceptance of the situation, but through making it an offering to God, who can transfigure it into something for the good of others."

I am loving this book. I never realized loneliness comes to each one of us no matter our circumstances, our background, our life choices, or even our levels of wealth.

I had to share with you the last paragraph I read this morning it so resonated with me. I know many of our family members are in this same boat. E.E. was describing how she lives(or did) on a completely different coast than her daughter and grandchildren. She had returned home from a visit and had a sense of loneliness that could not be remedied. She states how she can never invite her grandchildren over for the night, have the family for Sunday dinners, nor pop in to her daughters house for a cup of tea. One of the reasons this plagues her so is Sunday dinners with her grandparents were some of her fondest childhood memories. She longs to share that experience with her immediate family.

She says, "I was tempted to have a Pity Party for myself. Why should I be denied tremendous blessing and pleasure of being near those dear little children, the people I love most in the world? God could "fix it" if He wanted to. To pursue that line of thought would have put me in the Slough of Despond."

Here is my favorite paragraph:

"Our loneliness cannot always be fixed, but it can always be accepted as the very will of God for now, and that turns it into something beautiful. Perhaps it is like the field wherein lies the valuable treasure. We must buy the field. It is no sun-drenched meadow embroidered with wild flowers. It is a bleak and empty place, but once we know it contains the jewel the whole picture changes! (Yea!) The empty scrap of forgotten land suddenly teems with possibilities. Here is something we can not only accept, but something worth selling everything to buy. In my case, "selling everything" meant giving up the self-pity and the bitter questions. I do not mean we are to go out looking for chances to be as lonely as possible. I am talking about acceptance of the inevitable. And when, through a willed act we receive this thing we did not want, the Loneliness, the name of the field nobody wants, is transformed into a place of hidden treasure"

YES! I needed to hear that today. And it describes my situation precisely.

I am excited to share with you in the upcoming weeks, my hidden treasures. That have so blessed me and my children's lives. I can see a transformation taking place.

Yet, that does not mean I will quit desiring to have you over for coffee!

I love and miss you extended family that live so far away.

In honor of you today.

Mom and Dad
Karen and Art
Katie, Ryan and "my babies"
Junie, Chad and cousins
Missy and family
Heather ( i would love to get to know you over coffee) and family
Kathryn and twin baby girls whom I have yet to meet (soon my friend)
Grandma W.- I would give much to spend a day sewing w/you
Aunt Joane
My Jungle family- Miss you and love you so much!
My friend Joane- Who is coming for coffee very soon, Yea!
Lisa- I would love to live by you during this difficult season in you life
Krissy
I would also love to see Erin (I know you'd prefer tea)
Jon- and all the boys
Steph & Joe

With love,
Desiree